WLTM
by Spirit Summoner
Summary: Mokuba thinks Kaiba needs some serious help in the relationship deparment and places an ad to get his brother onto the market. Warning: randomness and character bashing! Eventual Seto x ?
1. Introduction

WLTM…

Introduction

A/N features some OOC-ness, but it's all for the sake of the story (you'll see)

A/N I've rated this fic quite high in case of any unforseen incidents that may occur. You see, although I am the author, I actually have no control over the characters...

Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine, no matter how many times I say it is, so I have now stopped. It belongs to someone much richer than I who actually has the power to make the characters do the crazy things that I would like hint hint

* * *

Mokuba Kaiba let out an exasperated sigh as he watched his brother. Working. _Again._

_Work, work, work. That's all Seto does lately, _thought Mokuba sadly. _He doesn't have time to do anything anymore – he's stopped going to school and he hasn't had a duel in like forever. He doesn't even have time for **me** anymore…_

Seto needed to do something else – anything else. He needed to stop and see his friends. Not that he had many. _I don't think he has any…_ Mokuba had realised long ago that his brother wasn't like other people. He was a solitary figure and seemed perfectly content that way. He didn't want a little pep squad like Yugi, and certainly didn't need one. He had Mokuba and that was enough. _Or so he thinks._ Mokuba knew that Kaiba needed more than him, whether he knew it or not and he was determined to help. _After all, Seto's done so much for me. He gave up his childhood to protect me and now he works so hard to make sure that I'll always be okay._

That decided, Mokuba racked his brain for a way to help his brother. _What do you do for the boy who has anything anyone could ask for?_ Taking a different route, Mokuba thought about what _he _would want if he were a normal child.

Money – _check_

Nice home – _check_

Family – _double check_

Good job - _check_

_Hmm… there had to be something… waitaminute!_

And then, Mokuba was gone like a flash to put his plan into action.

* * *

"_Thank you for choosing us as your on-line dating service. Please complete the following form with your twenty word statement before sending."_ Mokuba's , frantically tapped the 'volume down' button on his computer hoping that no one had heard the cyber woman's voice. He paused for a while, letting his eyes digest the information that was on screen.

_Hmm… Let's see… Name._

"Well, if it's Seto, there's only one thing it could be," he mused before typing in '_Blue Eyes White Dragon'_ as his pseudonym.

He was so excited that he didn't hear the door to the central computer room open.

"Master Mokuba, what are you doing."

Mokuba jumped out of his skin at the voice and turned in the swivel chair to come to face Roland, one of the Kaiba brothers' most trusted and loyal employees. "Er… nothing?" he replied, putting what he hoped was an innocent smile on his face.

"For some reason, I'm having trouble believing you," said Roland shaking his head in amusement. "Now what is it you're doing that you don't want Mister Kaiba to know about?"

"How – how did you know?" asked Mokuba, confused.

"Master Mokuba it was Mister Kaiba who sent me to see what you were up to," he answered as though it were the simplest explanation in all the world.

Mokuba shook his head madly and covered the screen with his body. "You have to promise me that you won't tell Seto!"

Roland, his curiosity well and truly peaked, nodded.

"Okay… but remember – you promised." Mokuba moved away and Roland commandeered the spot that Mokuba had only seconds ago been standing.

Not bothering to remove the sunglasses that were so popular among the 'suits' in the Yu-Gi-Oh cast, Roland read the small window with interest, then disbelief, and finally, hilarity. "You want to find Mister Kaiba a partner?" he asked incredulously, a smile forming at the corners of his mouth.

Mokuba, suddenly taking a greater interest in his feet, nodded shyly.

Roland, seeing the boy's sheepish response, took pity on him. "Pull up a chair, Master Mokuba. We'll do much better if we do this together."

A bright smile spread over Mokuba's face as he complied.

* * *

Seto Kaiba was stressing out. Now usually he would never testify to such a feeling, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Mokuba was up to something. And from the sounds of silence in his office it was something big. He sighed. He had sent Roland to check on his younger sibling a little while ago, but he still hadn't returned. Picking up the phone in his office he pressed '1.'

"Leyla. Where is Roland?" he barked down the line. Leyla was relatively new and not the best of secretaries. She had a tendency of always being late and was sloppy in her work. Kaiba would have fired her, but he didn't have enough time – or a decent replacement. Hearing her muffled response he slammed the phone down. Roland had indeed gone to check on Mokuba and the two were at work in the computer room.

Allowing curiosity to get the better of him, Kaiba decided that it was time for a break and he knew exactly where he wanted to go…

* * *

"Okay… now all we have to do is hit send and…"

At that moment, Seto Kaiba flung open the door to the computer room and narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the pair sat huddled around the small computer.

"Big brother!" exclaimed Mokuba, jumping up from his chair and sending it flying.

"Mokuba… I've been looking for you. And Roland, I thought I gave you a job." It was a statement of fact.

"Well, yes, but you see…" Roland stammered, trying to think of an answer that would satisfy his obviously annoyed boss.

"I'm waiting…" Kaiba's voice was harsh and demanding.

"Seto! Don't be angry, but the truth is…" Mokuba wavered in his resolve to continue.

"Yes, Mokuba?"

"The truth is, I know how busy you are and everything…" Mokuba's arms moved in a strange windmill like fashion, as if he was trying to distract Seto. Roland looked worried as his younger master was about to reveal the truth. "And how you don't have time for anything anymore – so I asked Roland to help me – with a project for school."

Kaiba raised an elegant eyebrow in a questioning manner, but said, "I see."

With that, Kaiba turned to leave, but paused at the door. "Mokuba, I didn't realise that I haven't been spending enough time with you lately. After these deals go through I'll make sure that I make some more time for us." The door closed and Kaiba strode back to his office satisfied.

"Phew! That was close," Mokuba let out a relieved sigh. Roland nodded his agreement.

"I think we shall have to be more careful from now on," he said.

The pair returned to the computer thankful that Kaiba had believed them and not checked the computer. Another window appeared asking them if they wanted to proceed. Mokuba took a deep breath and pressed 'SEND.'

* * *

Kaiba tried to concentrate on his work, but he was failing miserably. He knew that Mokuba had lied to him, but he looked so desperate that Kaiba had humoured him. Now, he couldn't get the little conspiracy out of his head. As much as he hated to, he knew he had no choice. With a breath of resignation, Kaiba logged off his laptop and booted up the Kaiba Corp. mainframe.

His eyes scanned the columns of numbers until he found Mokuba's registration code. Guiltily, Kaiba continued hacking into his brother's files – just to see what he was up to, you understand. After all, as his big brother Kaiba had a responsibility to make sure that Mokuba was behaving himself. Well, that was what Kaiba told himself anyway.

As the latest of Mokuba's activities revealed themselves, Kaiba frowned to see that for the past hour or so Mokuba had been on the Internet. Usually Kaiba wouldn't have bothered, but today there was a niggle in the back of his mind that told him he just had to look further.

So, Kaiba commanded the computer to load up the last website that Mokuba had been on and was stunned to find an on-line dating service_. What the hell?_ he thought. Looking through the last actions of the previous user Kaiba was furious to realise what Mokuba had been doing. And Roland! _When he got his hands on him…_

"**MOKUBA!"**

* * *

Things aren't looking too good for Mokuba right now? What do you suppose Kaiba will do to him now that he knows what he was up to? 


	2. The Ad

WLTM

The Ad.

Once again, Yu-Gi-Oh is not mine so I cannot be blamed for anything. It is all the fault of the producers and TV executives (or so she says…)

A/N I have no control over the actions of any characters in any of the following...

Okay, a quick recap…

Kaiba commanded the computer to load up the last website that Mokuba had been on and was stunned to find an on-line dating service_. What the hell?_ he thought. Looking through the last actions of the previous user Kaiba was furious to realise what Mokuba had been doing. And Roland! _When he got his hands on him…_

"**MOKUBA!"

* * *

**

Mokuba cringed when he heard his brother's roar. "Oh crap!"

Roland looked panicked for a second, and then decided that he had to be strong for Mokuba's sake. "And I had thought we'd gotten away with it too," he said, trying to make a joke out of it all.

As they neared Kaiba's office their anxiousness rose. It was deathly silent. Definitely not a good sign. When Kaiba was quiet, you knew it was bad. He'd keep everything in for as long as possible and then let rip with everything he had. In other words, you got an earful from the most powerful man in all of Domino. _Great._

Walking like a man about to meet an acquaintance with an executioner, Mokuba trudged through the door to his brother's office. "Yes, big brother," he asked.

Kaiba's eyes regarded him without emotion. "Mokuba, would you please tell me what you were on an Internet dating website and don't give me any crap about a 'school project." He stopped for less than a nanosecond before tackling Roland. "And Roland, what on Earth were _you_ thinking? I'm paying you to do a job and I don't appreciate my orders being ignored, or encouraging my brother into the world of dating!"

"But, Seto!" begged Mokuba. "It's not Roland's fault! We weren't looking for someone for me!"

"Oh, so I suppose you were helping Roland find a girlfriend then?" Kaiba remarked sarcastically. He knew that Roland was seeing one of the scientists also working at Kaiba Corp.

"Actually…" Mokuba put his hands on his hips, "we were looking for you."

Kaiba mouth hung open for a second in shock, and then anger became visible in his eyes. "You were what?"

"I wasn't lying to you Seto," Mokuba's eyes shone with sincerity as he met his brother's hard stare. "All you do is work and you don't have time to do anything else. You don't have any friends! You need to get out and meet people and…"

"Roland, leave us. I'll deal with you later," said Kaiba, never taking his eyes off Mokuba.

"Yes, Mister Kaiba," Roland answered as he disappeared from view.

"You know that I place no value on personal relationships whatsoever," replied Kaiba in a tone which brokered no argument.

"But it's not healthy, Seto – or normal!" Mokuba was practically screaming at his older brother, trying to make him see reason.

"Mokuba, what I do or do not do is up to me. I happen to think that I lead a perfectly healthy life and have a normal lifestyle."

"But you don't! You don't even have time to duel anymore! Why can't you give this a chance?"

At that moment, Kaiba's laptop began to make a series of loud beeping noises. "Why is it doing that?" he asked, his brow furrowing in his annoyance.

Mokuba dashed to the computer and said excitedly, "because you've just gotten a reply to your ad!" A few seconds passed, then – "whoa, scratch that big brother. You've just gotten a few hundred replies – and it's going up every second!"

Kaiba's eyes widened slightly. "You're telling me that there are actually people who want to date me?" he asked in disbelief.

Mokuba nodded enthusiastically and flashed a radiant smile at his older sibling. "Seto, let me do this for you. You promised you'd do anything for me – all I want is for you to try and be happy."

Mokuba had played the family card and it had worked. Kaiba felt his initial rage and resolve weaken in the face of such sweet and youthful innocence. Very slowly, he decided that it couldn't actually hurt to try…

"Fine."

Mokuba gave a cheer of success.

"But, if I refuse to see anyone for whatever reason you must respect my wishes. And this can't interfere with work, understand?"

Mokuba nodded and then ran to hug Seto. "Thanks big brother! I promise I'll do my best to find you the perfect match!"

"Hn," was the only thing Kaiba said and he watched as his wild haired brother fled the room to start on his quest. With a slight sigh of resignation, Kaiba sat down and decided that he should get back to work.

Then, something flashed up on the screen of the computer.

"_Tall, young, attractive, brown-haired, blue eyed corporate executive with an interest in Duel Monsters WLTM any person with similar interest and GSOH."_

_Please reply to Blue Eyes White Dragon – Box No. 78491_

And Seto Kaiba was not amused.

"**Mokuba!"** he thundered as he read through his rather embarrassing advertisement. Then his eyes flew to the number of hits he was receiving and found the number was increasing exponentially. As his brother re-entered his room with another laptop and a devious smile on his face he couldn't help but wonder _what had he gotten himself into?_

* * *

Kaiba – _agreed?_ Whoa! He must be working too hard, but it does mean that you will get to see him go out on dates! _With people._ But who? I hear you ask. Well, to be honest, I'm not all that sure yet, but you can influence me. Is there anyone _you _would like to see our favourite blue eyed CEO with? 'Course there is! Well, why don't you review me and send your suggestions – you never know what might happen!

A/N most chapters from now on will feature a 'mystery' character who is making a cameo appearance in a bid to find love… Okay, they'll be here mainly to cause Kaiba grief and to have a laugh, but that's bedsides the point.


	3. Pink Me Up

WLTM

plucking petals off a daisy Yu-Gi-Oh does belong to me, Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me, Yu-Gi-Oh does belong to me, Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me – Damn it!

a field full of daisies later Yu-Gi-Oh does belong to me, Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me, Yu-Gi-Oh does belong to me, Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me – Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

Yu-Gi-Oh, in case you didn't get the hint, is not mine and this fic contains strong language… I've had to Rate it because of it sigh

* * *

Seto? You'll have to wait and find out. 

I've had a request for a Seto/Tea pairing, and I _can_ tell you it's not that, but that's not to say that a Seto/Tea pairing isn't on the cards (if you don't get this you obviously don't play/read/watch for the gaming aspect of Yu-Gi-Oh)

If there is someone that you'd like to see Seto with (and they don't necessarily need to appear in Yu-Gi-Oh) then send your pairing along with a review and I'll try and write them in.

A/N just a little warning. Any 'dates' present in the fic will be an over exaggerated version of what they are like in their respective show. For example, if one of them was Jesse from Pokemon's Team Rocket she would be very, very vain and care about her hair – a lot.

I don't mean to offend anyone and their portrayal will be based on how most people see, or would like to see them. If you wanted a really clever and useful Sailor Moon to date Kaiba, I'd be willing to oblige, providing that's what people want.

A/N the title is not a typo – you'll see in the fic…

* * *

Pink Me Up 

Roland absently drummed his fingers over the leather steering wheel. He had just driven Kaiba to the destination of his first official 'date,' and was very anxious. He and Mokuba had trawled through hundreds of replies to Seto's ad, and they hoped that he would like their choice.

Sparing one last glance at the door to 'Marissa's,' the quaint Italian restaurant that they had chosen, Roland lowered his foot onto the reverse, and pulled out of the bay he was parked in. He wouldn't be back until eleven to pick up Kaiba. Or so he thought…

* * *

_Why the hell did I agree to this?_ thought Seto Kaiba to himself. He was seated on a glass topped, round table with a pair of matching chrome chairs. One was empty. Kaiba had arrived early for the date, following Mokuba's insistence that it was only polite, blah blah **blah**… 

He wished he hadn't.

Now he was early and alone and it felt like every one was staring at him. He hated being stared at. It was one of the reasons he had developed the patented Kaiba glare, but there were simply too many in the restaurant for him to take on.

Dressed in his purple trench coat (something told him he just _didn't_ want to wear the white one), black pants and black turtle neck, Kaiba was attracting a lot of female – and even some _male_ – attention. He scowled harder, mentally cursing Mokuba and Roland for talking him into this.

* * *

"I wonder how Seto's doing…" mused Mokuba. He was sat in his office at Kaiba Corp. Playing computer games. 

"I'm sure he's doing just fine, Master Mokuba," replied Roland, who was currently being thrashed by the young Kaiba. Let's just say Mortal Combat wasn't his game.

"I hope your right, Roland…" said Mokuba, KO'ing Roland with a final punch. "Oh yeah! That makes seventeen in a row – you know what that means, _right?_"

Roland sighed in resignation. "Yes, sir…"

* * *

Meanwhile, in a bright pink car on it's way to Marissa's… 

"Pagan, it's him this time! I know it is – I can _feel_ it!" declared a deliriously happy girl in the back seat. Her hands were folded over her heart, and her head was leant back against the squeaky leather headrest in an exaggerated swoon.

The old chauffeur at the wheel declined to comment.

* * *

Back at Kaiba Corp. 

"Master Mokuba, I do hope you realise that Mister Kaiba would _murder _me if he found out about this," said Roland rather flustered.

"Hey, don't sweat it, Roland. Seto's never gonna know, _unless someone tells him…_" replied Mokuba with an evil smirk.

Roland knew he had been defeated.

* * *

At Marissa's 

A bright pink car can be seen parking near the front entrance. In a flurry of hair and what resembled a meringue dress, a great ball of something pink few out of the open window of the car and into the restaurant, _screeching_.

"I'm coming for you, Heero!"

Meanwhile, inside Marissa's

A high pitched squeal resonated through the formerly quiet restaurant.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"What is that infernal screech?" exclaimed Kaiba, who was sorely tempted to call Roland and leave. He was having second thoughts with regards to the date. The closer it got, the more uneasy he felt. It was like something was trying to tell him that this was a bad idea. He should have listened.

"OMYGOSH! IT'S HIM! IT'S _HIM_!" cried a girl from the entrance of the restaurant. She had long gold-ish, worn loose, save for two fine braids which were tied together at the back of her head.

All heads turned to see the girl, who was wearing a monstrous pink dress, point directly at Seto Kaiba.

HEERO! I KNEW I'D FIND YOU!" she shrieked as she charged towards the unsuspecting brunette's table.

Kaiba looked up in time to see her approaching. When she was roughly three feet away, she jumped up and glomped onto poor Kaiba, who was strangled by the vice-like grip as the girl sent him crashing to the floor.

"Oh Heero – I just knew you felt the same way about me! And now we're finally on a date together!" she toppled down on top of Kaiba, and managed to bring down the adjoining table, which just happened to be piled high with cakes. Topped with pink icing.

Kaiba, struggling against the waves of pink fabric that threatened to suffocate him, and now the squidgey pink mess that had ended up all over his coat, he pushed her off. "What the fuck are you doing!" he demanded.

The girl in front of him just stared in shock, her blue eyes wide and shimmering with tears, although as far as Kaiba was concerned it could have been a trick of the light. "Heero, it's me – Relena," she said in a quaking voice.

"Listen lady, I don't know who you are, but I'm no hero," said Kaiba who began to stand up, frowning at the cake that was now slopping down the front of his jacket. His dry cleaner was a bitch at the best of times… He was gonna get an earful after this one…

"Yes you are!" she shouted indignantly. Grabbing his face with both hands, Relena pulled Kaiba towards her until their noses were very nearly touching. She stared so hard at him, you could see every speck of light in Kaiba's eyes in his reflection in her eyes. "It _is _you, Heero! You're exactly the same as I remember – dark blue eyes, messy brown hair," she paused for a moment.

_My hair is **not** messy…_

"You're a bit taller, but I haven't seen you a few years, so that makes sense. Plus, you still act the same way when you see me – all cold and distant and vulgar language. It's like you don't even know who I am!"

Kaiba put his hands over her wrists and began to pull her away. "_That_, is because I _don't_ know who you are."

The girl stared at him again, her lips doing a sort of pouting quiver. "Oh Heero! You _can't_ have forgotten _me_!" she exclaimed, pulling Kaiba's head to her bosom roughly.

Kaiba _'eeped,'_ and sounds of muffled protest could be heard from the girl's chest.

She held him there for a minute, stroking his hair and murmuring words of reassurance. "It'll be alright, Heero. I'm here now. We'll get your memory back and then we can get _married_!"

With a mammoth effort, Kaiba yanked himself away. "You – are delusional," he said. He dusted himself off (well, as best as he could with several pounds of cake and cream covering him), and grabbed his cell phone off the table.

"_Hee-ro!"_ came the high-pitched whine. Kaiba cringed – the sound hurt his ears.

Flipping open the phone Kaiba gave her a look of pure contempt. "Listen, I don't know who you think I am, but whoever it is, _I'm not_!" he was practically shouting at her now.

She fell back onto her knees and looked up at him, her eyes full of adoration. "Of course you," she said with a sickly sweet smile. Kaiba felt like throwing up.

"No I fucking well am not!" he roared. "I am Seto Kaiba, President of Kaiba Corporation and the only reason I'm here is because my brother and dick of a personal assistant placed an ad. for me on a stupid Internet dating website!" By the time he was finished he was taking deep breaths to cam himself. Then he suddenly remembered that he was in a restaurant packed with people who were now all gossiping about him.

_Shit. _

Heads were turning, mouths were covered and giggles stifled as the patrons of the restaurant conversed. Even the waiters had stopped moving, and a number of kitchen staff had appeared who were watching the scene with great interest.

_By tomorrow this will be a huge scandal… I'm so fucked!_

And he still had a certain troublesome girl to deal with. As he looked down, he noticed that she was now back on her feet, and as opposed to the imploring eyes and stubborn disbelief, she was now displaying an air of calm understanding.

_What now?_

"Heero, I think I know what's going on here," she said in a very dignified tone of voice. With her chin up, she approached him and stood directly in front of him. Kaiba was now too embarrassed, annoyed and fucked to care, but he still felt his cheeks heating up al the same, but forced them to remain the same colour by sheer force of will.

"I don't know why I didn't see it before. You're on an undercover mission, aren't you Heero?"

Kaiba's jaw went slack.

_What the ? _

"Yes, I thought so. I bet you didn't think that I'd work it out so quickly, right? I bet that this was all a rouse so that you could see me and tell me that you're alright. That's it, isn't it, Heero?"

Kaiba didn't know what to say.

"No, don't say anything Heero, I don't want you to blow your cover! I understand that you can't be with me until you're done with this, but I'll wait for you Heero, and when you're ready, we can finally be together." A strange look of content washed over her and she turned and began walking away. As she reached the door she glanced back and said with a bright smile, "I knew that thing about you and Maxwell was a joke."

And then she was gone.

An expression of absolute disbelief seized Kaiba's face, and he was reduced to standing with his mouth open wide in shock, before finally regaining his composure.

"Roland," he said down his phone, which had somehow survived the incident without being encased in any of the pink mix. "The date's over. I want you here to pick me up in ten minutes." With that, he flipped shut the phone, frowning slightly at how flustered Roland had sounded on the phone and shrugged off his coat, which was now caked in, well cake, and strode purposefully and gracefully out the door.

He missed all the sniggering and hysterical laughter that followed.

* * *

So, how's that for a first date? Do you think Kaiba will ever get over it? Will he ever date again? And just what is Mokuba forcing Roland to do? 

A/N I've decided to add a new feature into the fic, known as 'Rate the Date,' where Kaiba's last date will be given - you guessed it – a rating. This will be incorporated into the beginning of the next chapter. I was going to have another date in it, but I think Kaiba will need a little time to think after this, don't you?

Please review and tell me what you think


	4. Escape From Kaiba Corp

WLTM…

Hey! Sorry it's taken so long to update but I've been side tracked by other stuff and just never really had time…

Thanks for the reviews and just so everyone knows _I will_ get round to those pairings eventually… it's just gonna take a while for me to set it up, otherwise it'll look completely random and even more OOC than this already is!

A/N did you guess who Kaiba's first date was? It was Relena from Gundam Wing.

A/N I was thinking about throwing in some male/male pairings – any takers? Anyone you really fancy seeing together? Give me a request with your review and I can make it happen!

* * *

"Hey, what about this one?" questioned Joey, motioning for Tristan to look at the computer.

Tristan scanned the screen, and then shook his head.

"Nah! Not my type," he replied.

Joey bunched his fists into his hair and pulled. _Hard._

"Tristan! You're killing me here, man! We've been on this thing for hours and you haven't liked anyone!" Joey leant back in his chair. The two were currently occupying Tristan's lounge, surrounded by empty beer bottles and odd socks. Tristan's dog, Blankey, was playing with what looked suspiciously like a pair of Tristan's underpants, but Joey declined to comment.

"I know! I know! It's just – well, they're not, you know…"

"Serenity, yeah I know, but Tristan you've got to move on. You know you're never gonna get her!"

_Especially since I sure as hell ain't gonna let her date until she's eighteen!_

Tristan turned red, although whether it was from embarrassment or anger could be debated.

Suddenly, the computer 'bleeped' and turned back.

"How about this one," he asked, more to himself than Tristan. "Hm… she's just been rated as well."

"_Wha-!"_ the swig of beer he had been taking finding its way out of his mouth and into open air. "Did you just say – _rated_?"

Joey nodded, wondering why Tristan had turned even redder then before. Then the answer struck him.

"Not rated like that – ya nimrod!" he shook his head in exasperation. "When you rate someone on this you give your opinion of them. Come on, I'll show ya."

Clicking on the link to _'Queen of the World,_' Joey waited for the computer to load up the stats.

**Name:**_Queen of the World_

**Age:**_18_

**Gender:**_Female_

**Completed by:**_Like hell I'm telling you!_

**Give three words to describe your date (appearance):**

_Pink_

_Blonde_

_Pink_

**Give three words to describe your date (personality):**

_Delusional_

_Psychotic_

_Plain crazy_

**On a scale of 1 – 10, 1 being the lowest, rate the success of your date:**

_37_

**Using the same scale, rate your date (the person):**

_1 million_

**Would you recommend this date to another?**

_If they happen to be a masochist_

**Finally, do you have any other comments about your date?**

_She should never have been let out of the mental hospital and I pity the guy she's after_

"Wow," said Tristan when he'd finished. "That was harsh."

"Yeah – I bet Kaiba couldn't have made it any colder."

The pair laughed.

"Yeah right! I mean, can you imagine – Kaiba using an Internet dating service!"

An image of the oh-so-dignified Seto Kaiba trawling through millions of dating adverts sent the two into a fit of laughing, resulting in Joey falling off the chair and rolling around while Tristan held his sides in an attempt to stop them from splitting.

* * *

Meanwhile at Kaiba Corp.

Seto Kaiba glared at the black and white printed sheets that lay on his desk.

On the front page of the Domino Times was a photograph of him at a recent press conference with the words _'Seto's Cyber Secret,'_ in giant lettering.

He had noticed the papers on his way to work and ordered Roland to stop the limo and buy up all the copies that he could find. Now he had them all on his desk and not a clue about what to do with them. He had considered reading through the article, but had stopped after a brief skim read.

_Seto Kaiba, 19, President of Kaiba Corporation was last night alleged to have been spotted on a blind date at local restaurant 'Marissa's.' Patrons of the establishment were said to be 'shocked and amused' at seeing the richest man in Domino on a secret tryst with a mystery female._

_Sources report that the blonde woman referred to Kaiba as her 'hero,' and she is said to be called 'Relena.' The woman is also said to have proposed to Seto Kaiba. Amongst the night's dramatic scenes were a table full of cakes collapsing on top of the courting couple and covering them in pink icing. Rumours are rife that Seto Kaiba will be fully compensating Marissa's._

_The pair called attention to themselves when Kaiba refused her advances and denied all knowledge of ever having met the pink clad girl, who was seen leaving in a strawberry limo driven by a grey haired chauffeur._

_Efforts to trace the girl have drawn a blank, and last night Kaiba Corp. were refusing to comment. It is thought that Seto Kaiba may be embarrassed about his shameful secret. He was reported to have said, "I am Seto Kaiba, President of Kaiba Corporation and the only reason I'm here is because my brother and dick of a personal assistant placed an ad. for me on a stupid Internet dating website!"_

_Registration numbers for various dating services worldwide have announced an exponetional increase, from both men and women hoping for a chance to date the infamous Seto Kaiba and melt his icy heart._

Pushing the paper away, Kaiba groaned as the phone rang. No doubt it was another reporter hoping to make their name by exposing the private matters of certain – and now very much sought after – eligible businessmen.

"Mokuba," barked Kaiba into the receiver as he punched nine. "Cancel all my calls and meetings for the rest of today – I need some time to care of some – personal issues."

"Sure, Seto, but what are you gonna do? There are loads of reporters still outside of Kaiba Corp. and more are arriving every minute!"

Kaiba cursed under his breath. That was all he needed.

"Are you telling me there's no way I can get out?"

"The testing building hasn't been hit yet – probably because they know you're here."

Kaiba was silent for a moment, mentally formulating an escape route.

"Mokuba, I have an idea."

Moments later, a nervous looking Roland was walking towards Kaiba's limo, Mokuba Kaiba only a few feet away. In between the two was none other than Seto Kaiba. Or so everyone thought.

Roland opened the door, and Mokuba and Kaiba entered swiftly. Cameras flashed rapidly, and questions were shouted at the tall teen.

"Mr Kaiba! Is it true that you were assaulted by a crazed stalker in Marissa's?"

"Are you really planning to marry the blonde woman you have been seen on a date with?"

"How do you feel about being Domino City's most favourite gay icon?"

None were answered, and both Roland and Mokuba breathed sighs of relief when they finally began moving – although the hordes of reporters followed.

"Phew! That was close," said Mokuba.

"The things you make me do, Master Mokuba," Roland complained from the driver's seat, although he was referring to a little secret that Mokuba was making him keep.

Mokuba grinned. "Hey – this was Seto's idea." Mokuba delved into his pocket and removed a small bat shaped object made out of metal. "Who would have thought that all those people would have been fooled by a hologram?"

He snapped the wings back into the narrow slots either side of the ball and Seto Kaiba – who until then appeared to be sitting next to him – flickered and then vanished.

* * *

At the same time, a couple of Kaiba Corp. scientists slipped unseen into the testing facility. Both wore long white jackets, gloves and protective face - masks.

Kaiba waited until all the reporters had disappeared before re-emerging.

_Idiots._

This time he wore a tan trench, shorter than the ones he usually favoured, and a little too big for his slender frame. Slipping on a pair of large shades, Kaiba turned up the collar and began walking down the street.

Sure he was doing a really good impression of a really bad spy, but at least most people didn't seem to notice him as much as when he was – well, himself.

About half a block later, Kaiba had the distinct feeling that he was being followed. He put it down to a bout of paranoia from the week's crazy events, but a few minutes later he still couldn't shake the feeling of being tailed.

Kaiba ducked into an alleyway, and looked left and right. Nothing. Kaiba relaxed.

"Seto Kaiba?"

Kaiba spun around abruptly and found himself face to face with a messy brown haired and intense blue-eyed boy in front of him. He had the distinct feeling that he had seen the man before.

"Who are you?" he demanded. "And why were you following me?"

"My name is Heero Yuy – and I want to thank you for saving my life."

* * *

A/N from now on I'll be introducing more people to the world of cyber dating. So who do you want to see with who? Read and review me – but most importantly – tell me!

The more you bug me, the faster I'll do it!


	5. Coffee And Jelly Doughnuts

WLTM…

Yeah, I know, it's been ages. I'm thinking about revising this whole fic to be honest, but I thought I'd post this chapter anyone since I've already got it written up. Not a particularly brilliant chapter, but necessary for the main idea behind the fic to work.

"My name is Heero Yuy – and I want to thank you for saving my life."

* * *

**Coffee and Jelly Doughnuts**

A little while later, Seto Kaiba was sat opposite the mysterious 'Heero Yuy' at a small café on the edge of the city.

He didn't know how he had been talked into allowing the dark haired youth take him to Domino's 'best kept secret' but something told him that he would regret it forever if he didn't. Besides, it wasn't like he had anything better to do, and it was unlikely that anyone would recognise him in the run – down, yet cosy establishment where he was now seated.

Kaiba was also being driven crazy trying to remember where he had seen the man in front of him before and why his name seemed so familiar to him. And then it hit him.

"You were at Marissa's!" he declared loudly, attracting the attention of several of the patrons. Kaiba pushed his shades higher up the bridge of his nose and slouched down in the booth, but due to his height, he was now the same level as every one else.

Heero let out a chuckle. "Don't worry, Seto Kaiba – no one here will notice that it is you."

"They will if you keep shouting my name," hissed Kaiba.

Heero laughed again.

"What is so funny?" snapped Kaiba.

"Nothing – it's just you remind me of me – but that was a long time ago now."

Kaiba snorted.

"Still trying to figure out who I am?" queried Heero, eying Kaiba with amused Prussian eyes.

"I thought that since you took all the trouble to bring me here you would volunteer the information when you were ready," stated Kaiba hotly.

"I'll take that as your way of saying 'no' then?"

Heero waved over to a passing waitress and she walked over. Pulling a notebook from the front pocket of her checked apron, she freed a sharp 2B pencil from her hair.

"What'll it be, boys?" she asked in a strong Canadian accent.

"We'll have a couple of jelly doughnuts and a coffee each," said Heero with his clear voice.

Kaiba shot Heero a look that clearly said he didn't 'do' jelly doughnuts. Heero gave him a sly smile, and his eyes sparkled at some joke only he understood.

The woman scribbled the order on her pad, tucked it back into her pocket and slipped the pencil behind her left ear. "Give it a few, boys," she said with a wink.

After she walked away, Kaiba gave Heero a pointed glare. Heero returned the stare, though not with the same level of intensity that most of his enemies usually encountered. It looked like it could continue for a while, but their silent war was interrupted when the waitress returned with their order.

Heero thanked her generously as he took a sip of the strong black brew that sat in front of him before taking a large bite out of his doughnut. Dropping it back on the plate, he wiped his now sugar coated fingers on a napkin and licked a spot of jam that had stained his lips.

"Aren't you going to eat that?" he asked.

"Aren't you going to give me some answers? If I – as you say – saved your life, I think you owe me that much."

"Okay, okay," said Heero, raising his hands in mock surrender. He took another sip of coffee. "Remember last night you were at a restaurant called Marissa's?"

Kaiba nodded reluctantly.

"I was working in the kitchens there," he said, his eyes never leaving Kaiba's face. "I came out just in time to see you attacked by that woman you met," he said with a smile.

Kaiba groaned. "You're not another reporter are you?" he wailed.

"Do I look like a reporter?" he replied.

Kaiba looked at the appearance of the boy opposite him. He was dressed in faded jean which were torn at the knees, a forest green tank top over his top half and a denim jacket was draped on the seat next to him. Kaiba took in the messy brown hair, brooding eyes and the amused smile that played on his lips.

"No," he said finally. "But you don't look like a kitchen hand either."

"Very good, Seto Kaiba. But can you work out who I really am?"

Kaiba's forehead creased in thought. It was true that he remembered the man from Marissa's, but he knew there was something more to him than just this. Kaiba closed his eyes warily.

* * *

Flashback

"It _is _you, Heero! You're exactly the same as I remember – dark blue eyes, messy brown hair," she paused for a moment.

_My hair is **not** messy…_

"You're a bit taller, but I haven't seen you a few years, so that makes sense. Plus, you still act the same way when you see me – all cold and distant and vulgar language. It's like you don't even know who I am!"

Kaiba put his hands over her wrists and began to pull her away. "_That_, is because I _don't_ know who you are."

End Flashback

* * *

"What did you say your name was?"

"Heero," the name rolled off his tongue. "Heero Yuy."

Realisation dawned on Kaiba.

"You're the one that crazy woman was after!" he exclaimed.

Heero nodded grimly.

"Fuck! How do you put up with it?" asked Kaiba, still fighting against his shock.

"I don't – I've been hiding from her for years now, but she keeps finding me. Every time I think I've lost her, she shows up, even more delusional and pinker than the last time."

This time it was Kaiba's turn to laugh. "I'm surprised you haven't been driven insane by her yet."

"I would have been – if it wasn't for my boyfriend."

Kaiba raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Its not as weird as you'd think, Seto Kaiba," explained Heero. "A person's sex doesn't really matter – it's what's here that counts," he said motioning to his heart.

Kaiba began to feel a little uncomfortable – sure physical puberty had hit him early. Emotional puberty on the other hand still left a lot to be desired. As it was, Seto Kaiba was a rather undeveloped in that area. He had never felt particularly attracted to anyone, so he sure as hell had never felt the need to question his own sexuality.

But now he wasn't so sure…

"Does this have a point?" asked Kaiba with a withering look.

"Listen, either you can take my advice or you can leave it, but either way I'm giving it to you anyway. You should live everyday as though it's going to be your last because you never know when it will be."

Boy, that was really cheesy. Kaiba half expected the other teen to break down into tears, seize his hand and sob his little heart out, saying something like, "oh, Kaiba! You may not be 'Heero' (because he was Heero, but that's not the point), but you're my _'hero.'_"

Maybe he really had been working too hard. His trains of thought were going somewhat astray recently…

"Listen, I don't know who you think you are but I don't need you to tell me how to live my life," said Kaiba with a scowl.

_Damn this man – making me question myself!_

"I'm not trying to tell you how to do anything – I just want to give you some friendly advice," he took another sip of coffee. "You need to be more open minded, Seto Kaiba. Everything doesn't always need a logical explanation for happening."

"Really," Kaiba replied sarcastically. He stared at the messy haired boy through critical eyes. "Why are you telling me this? What is it you really want?"

"I don't want anything – I just want to help you."

"The last time someone tried to hep me I ended up covered in pink crap in front of dozens of strangers – and now it's plastered all over the papers and TV!"

Heero only laughed. "Why do you care what people think about you?"

"I don't give a damn about what they think!" retorted Kaiba hotly as he slammed his fists onto the table making the liquid in their cups jump.

"Then what's the problem?"

With that the dark haired youth stood up and placed a series of crumpled notes onto the table. Kaiba watched him as he shrugged on his snug denim jacket, the muscles of his arms still clearly visible beneath the fabric.

"Where are you going?" asked Kaiba sharply.

"Remember what I said," he replied, ignoring his actual question as he made his way to the door.

"Wait!"

Heero paused at the door, the chime that was positioned over it swinging tunefully in the draft. He turned and cast a final glance at his inadvertent rescuer.

"Stop looking over your shoulder Seto Kaiba, you might miss something that's been in front of you all along…"

Kaiba's jaw dropped in shock as he watched the mysterious youth walk out the door, and most probably his life. The waitress returned and gave him a concerned look.

"Are you alright, hun?" she asked. "You haven't touched your food."

Kaiba looked down in front of him at the lukewarm coffee and uneaten doughnut. In one fluid movement he threw the bitter drink down his throat and snatched up his doughnut.

"I'll take it to go," he said.

He didn't notice that his phone had slipped out of his pocket when he slid out of the booth.

* * *

A/N I know that some of you don't like the idea of male/male relationships BUT! I believe that this is something that needs to be explored. After all, as I said in the fic, Kaiba's never been particularly attracted to anyone. Therefore, it makes sense that he would want to 'experiment,' or at least consider it.

This however does not mean that the remainder this story will be yaoi. This simply offers more opportunity to see another side of Kaiba and put him in some more wonderful situations for us to enjoy.

I actually haven't decided who Kaiba ends up with yet, so it's pretty important that you bear with. In fact, if it makes it any better for anyone who really dislikes yaoi I'll provide a warning at the beginning of chapters that contain it. How does that sound?

I've also decided that I'm going to have more people join the world of cyber dating – tell me who you'd like to see together and I'll see if I can do it. They can be any pairings you want really!

And finally – I've had a couple of requests for Kaiba x Ishizu and I was wondering whether anyone knows what this pairing is actually called. If anyone tells me, I'll do whatever couple they want in a future chapter because it has been bugging me a while, but I'm too lazy to look for myself. Please leave the answer in a review with any requests!

Oh, and I've just started the next chapter, which will hopefully be a lot funnier!


End file.
